Brothers and sisters,
Before I begin, I should tell you all that I address every person, whose name I do not know, as “brother” or “sister.” Partially it’s an old thing left over from my hippy days. But it’s also the way I truly feel. By acknowledging our connection to each other I feel that I’m making one little step in fostering mutual respect, kindness, generosity and forgiveness among us all.
I am Johndavid, Pat’s uncle. His father, Dan, was my brother. Pat’s mother, Susie, was my sister-in-law. And a small note, I would only use the term “in-law” in a legal sense. Susie, quickly became my sister with a capital S, plain and simple.
So now, as Pat’s uncle, it’s my honor and my right, according to tradition, to give a short speech and offer a toast to honor Pat and Anitha. I’m well into the second half of my seventies and my memory is getting a little creaky. So I hope you’ll understand and forgive me for reading these thoughts.
Pat and Anitha, as you are the reason we’re all here today, I’m saving my words for you till the last. But first, as this is a holy occasion, I would like to say a few words to God.
God, Your Holiness, because you are infinite and we are small, we clothe you in different images according to our different traditions as we try to know you and to live with humility in your shadow. For the sake of brevity only, and with no disrespect, I’m choosing one name to address you rather than addressing you as God, Jehova, My Lord, Brahma, Saraswati, Vishnu, Lakshmi, Shiva, Parvati, Yahweh, Allah, etc… I’m going to address you simply as “Your Holiness.” I hope you’re cool with that.
So, Your Holiness, with deep reverence I kneel before you in my heart at what I believe is one of the most holy events of our lives, marriage. In marriage we acknowledge and celebrate our profound connection to each other. Marriage is love and in love there is intimacy… empathy… forgiveness… and commitment. Your Holiness, I KNEEL before love. And on this day we are ALL kneeling before love as we celebrate the union of Pat and Anitha. As they choose each other as partners they are also confirming and celebrating the union of our families. So Pat, my dear Pat, and my sweet new niece Anitha, I know you won’t mind if a take a moment to publicly embrace your parents with these thoughts.
First, to Pat and Johnny’s parents, my brother Dan and his wife Susie, who quickly became my sister. It breaks my heart that neither of them lived to see this day. I miss them both so much. Dan, like me, was a flawed man, but he was a great father. I admired him so much for the love and attention he gave to Johnny and Pat. Anitha I know without a doubt that Dan would have loved and cherished you. And Pat, if he had met Anitha he would have taken you aside and said to you with loving pride, ‘YES!” And of course Susie loved you Anitha. I know you know that. I’ll be forever grateful for all the tender nursing care you gave her in her last days. Anitha, I’m not being hyperbolic when I say there are moments when I’m not sure I can bear my love for you. You are that precious to me. Thank you Pat for giving us Anitha.
Ok,… Now I’d like to speak publicly to Anitha’s parents, Umapathy and Vijaya. Umapathy and Vijaya, within five minutes after I met you I loved you. I’ll admit that Anitha had already primed the pump by filling my heart with love. How could a young woman like Anitha have been raised by anyone but spectacular parents. Well from this day forward I will be your daughter Anitha’s uncle. And Umapathy and Vijaya, so sorry, I know you didn’t pick me, a long haired crusty old California hippy to be part of your family. Maybe I’m just karmic payback for some bad behavior in one of your previous lives. But from this day forward that’s what I am. Family. Umapathy, from today and through rest of our lives you are my brother. And Vijaya, from today and through the rest of our lives you are my sister. You both make it so easy by being so easy to love. I’m honored, proud, and so grateful that you are now part of my family.
Now everyone, please join me in raising your glasses to my brothers, Umapathy and Dan, and my sisters, Vijaya and Susie.
Thank you everyone.
Now I know this is unconventional but I’m an .eccentric old man who grew up in California. I want to honor two more family members, Arun and Johnny, before we go on to Pat and Anitha. Now Arun, I hope you’re going to be ok having a slightly addled old hippy uncle. I’ll try and not embarrass you in the future. In fact, if you feel I’m just too weird, you could just tell your friends that actually I don’t have any real family relationship with you, that I was a weird crazy neighbor of Johnny and Pat’s dad and I thought I was his brother just because we had the same last name. So Dan, being a kind man, gave me odd jobs and let me hang out. In fact you could also tell them that Johnny and Pat grew up calling me Uncle Funky, which is not true, but it would fit your story. That’s, in fact, an affectionate nickname that came later in my life. But that’s a story for a different time. Anyway, whatever you decide Arun, I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your family better. I welcome you with an open heart into our half of the family.
Ok, now Johnny, my dear Johnny … how do I speak to my love for you? Sometimes I feel we are twins separated by a generation. I often feel like you are the man I wish I had become. And please don’t let that make you feel uncomfortable. I am grateful and proud that you are a better man than I. This is what every parent, every uncle and aunt, every grandparent wants for the next generation.
So now please, brothers and sisters, please join me in a toast to my nephews Johnny and Arun.
Ok, now onto our dear Pat and Anitha. I don’t have to explain how much I love you guys. You are an extension of my body. If you feel joy or love I will also feel it. If you feel pain I will feel pain. So do me a favor and please continue to look both ways, always, whenever you’re walking or driving. And please use extra caution whenever you’re using sharp tools, ladders, and poisonous liquids. And Pat, please please NEVER skip a step on your pre-flight checklist!
Now Pat, I knew you would marry well but I couldn’t have imagined Anitha! I knew you would choose someone really smart, someone sweet and compassionate, someone beautiful and someone who would be your equal. But that was theoretical until you brought home Anitha. And with all due respect, Anitha, Oh la la! But what is really amazing, Anitha, is that you are as kind, as generous, as compassionate and intelligent as you are beautiful! In fact, when I first met you I wondered if you might be an incarnation of Parvati. I’m sure I’ve never loved anyone so deeply, so quickly. I couldn’t have even imagined a better companion for Pat! I’m so grateful to both of you for choosing each other. I’m so so proud of you both.
Now there’s one last thing. As an old man just a couple years away from 80, I’m asking for a favor. This old man, who loves you both profoundly, is imagining a baby boy or girl with dark brown skin, jet black hair, and green hazel, or less likely but possible, blue colored eyes. You got that? The clock starts ticking tonight.
So now, Umapathy,.. Vijaya,.. Arun,.. Lejja,.. Johnny, and Mayrvo, and all of you our honored guests, please join me in wishing our dear Pat and Anitha good weather most of the time, occasional vacations, well behaved pets, quick resolution to differences of opinion, and the everlasting love that will fill their hearts with joy and peace and that will oil the wheels of forgiveness. Let the sweet fragrance of love surround them for the rest of their lives. Brothers and sisters, please raise your glasses to our beloved Anitha and Pat.