Dear Jesus,
In 1875 a guy named D. A. Bennett published “An Open Letter To Jesus Christ.” Just to jog your memory I’ll paraphrase his first couple paragraphs.
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“To His Excellency, IMMANUEL J. CHRIST, otherwise called ‘Prince of Peace,’ ‘Sun of Righteousness,’ ‘Lion of the Tribe of Judah,’ ‘Wonderful,’ ‘Counselor,’ ‘The Messiah,’ ‘The Redeemer,’ ‘The Savior.’ ‘The Bride Groom,’ ‘The Lamb of God,’ ‘Captain of our Salvation,’ ‘Son of God’. ‘Son of Man,’ ‘etc, etc…
It’s very likely that some people will think it would be arrogant to be writing a letter to you. With all due respect I write this with humility. You get countless prayers and appeals from all sorts of people, from all sorts of places, on all sorts of subjects. Everyone says or asks what they please and no one is authorized to dictate what they can write to you. A prayer is an appeal, a letter is another form of appeal. Everyone has a right to either form. Since I can’t see why a letter is less respectful than a prayer I’d prefer to write you a letter this time.”
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So Jesus, I’m sure you remember it. He was trying to write you with respect but he was pretty pissed off and it was kind of harsh. Anyway I’m not angry. You know, spilt milk and all. But I am asking for a favor and I pray that you’ll give it a little consideration.
First let me say that I would have sent you a private message but I can’t find you on Facebook. I’m hoping someone in better graces and more connected than me can forward this to you. I hope you’re still around but I wouldn’t blame you if you had just given up on our planet. But, just in case, I’m going to put this out there. I’ve got a few questions for you. I’ve been thinking of you a lot recently my friend. Oh no! Shit! Oops! Another swear word and “friend”! That’s way too intimate! Sorry. I apologize. But with great humility, if most of what I’ve read about you is true, I think we might have been friends when you were here incarnate. But since we haven’t met, and to be respectful, I’ll call you Mr. Jesus… No wait, still too presumptuous… Ok,.. sir?…no… Maybe your honor… your majesty… Mr. Lord… no wait… Damn! Oops! Swear word! ….Whew, sorry! I’m a crude old man but I mean no disrespect.
OK….., OK, so I think I’ll go with Mr. Christ. Hope that’s cool with you.
So Mr. Christ, I’ll give you a few details about me to save you the time of retrieving my file. I’m a 77 year old slightly addled old man, a son of two Christian preachers. My parents were the Reverends Tom and Jean Williams. You probably remember them. They worked for you. They believed that there were many fully enlightened men and women in the history of our species. They believed that mystics were at the historical core of all the major religions. My parents believed that enlightenment, or to be one with God, was a profound transformative awakened state of love and connection to the holiness of all life. Putting this state of infinite mind and heart into words was difficult. One had to kind of talk around it. It required metaphors and combination of words like love, oneness, peace, laughter and awe. To experience it was to feel boundless love and humility. And another little detail, just between you and me Mr. Christ, they believed that while most religious people’s hearts were in the right place, most of them had gotten it wrong with the everlasting post life heaven and hell residency thing. I pretty much agree with my parents on all this stuff. I think they were actually pretty hip Mr. Christ. The religious rites and rituals in themselves are not holy and it’s not about a big reward or punishment when you die. It’s the experience now of love and connection to everything. That’s what is most holy. Heaven can be now, this moment! Right? Please let me know if I’m wrong. I think a lot of us here are not getting that. And in case you’ve been too busy to notice, our lack of understanding of this is putting us into a bit of a fix here. Oh fuck! What am I saying?! And oops again, the F word. Sorry, I’m a coarse old man and I don’t mean any disrespect Mr. Christ. Anyway, back to us screwing the pooch here on Earth. Of course you’ve noticed Mr. Christ, you’re a fully enlightened being! ….uh,… or, maybe you were just one of the temporal bubbles of the underlying infinite intelligence and love of the universe that appears in human form now and then. I guess it doesn’t matter which. It’s the message, not the messenger.
So, OK…. Well,.. I guess that’s enough for now Sir. I love you Brother, Sir, whatever You are. I’ll try and stay in touch.
Respectfully yours and in your service,
Uncle Funky