I first met my little brother Dan when I was two years old. Being two years older than him, I liked to think that I was hipper and more grownup than he was. About 25 years later I had to make an adjustment to that equation when Susie, a drop dead gorgeous archetypal hippy princess, appeared in my little brother’s life. And she was not just beautiful, sweet, and kind. It was also clear that she was seriously smart and not to be trifled with. In fact I will admit that I was also a little afraid of Susie when I first met her. Underneath that gentle, generous exterior there ran a steel wire. So, of course, I tried to behave around her. I tried to be good. Unfortunately, especially for me, I’m a deeply flawed man. There were countless times over the years that I got a little look, particularly when I was misbehaving with my brother, and with that look I knew I had been bad. But my Susie, my sister, a grownup, always forgave me. She both humbled and inspired me. Fuck the cliche, I have to say honestly that she made me want to be a better man.
My beautiful hippy girl sister! It didn’t matter what chaos might have been going on in her household, which included my hardworking, creative, kind, and like me, neurotic brother, and my two boisterous and dangerously intelligent nephews, Johnny and Pat, plus two dogs, a couple of cats, assorted chickens, bunnies, pigeons, a horse, an arrogant angry peacock who hung out in a tree, and Pablo the gnarly macho turkey. No it didn’t matter what chaos was at play in this zoo of animals, children and my sweet and as deeply flawed as me, brother Dan, she still always invited me into her home. She welcomed me without a hint that I was adding to her work load. Me without family responsibilities, at least not that I was paying attention to. Me stuck in my early 20’s selfishness for decades, me who she sweetly allowed to be the carefree eccentric uncle!
So there are so many reasons that I’m grateful that she was in my life all those years. But here is the most amazing thing, most generous thing, and the most loving thing anyone has ever done for me. When it became clear that our mother needed help she and Dan chose to saddle up their family in their hippy paradise of the Santa Cruz mountains and move to our mother’s house in Ventura. I lived in San Francisco and I quietly thought to myself “Thank God, I’m off the hook!” So for the next, how many years, she and Dan provided endless intimate care for my mom while they raised their kids and managed a household. Did I ever call and say, “Next week,” or even just “next weekend, I’ll be there to take over and you guys take the kids and go somewhere to take a break?” With great shame the answer is NO. I did not. Susie never asked for my help. And I never felt a hint of judgment from her. She just went on loving me. That was Susie.
She was unquestionably the best thing that ever happened to this family. She was my role model for what it means to be a loving grownup, the kind of person I would like to be. I can’t properly express the depth of my love, respect and gratitude to her. Truly I’m a better man because of her. It was poetic perfection that during the last months of her life, with the loss of her hair, that she looked like a Buddhist roshi.
Oh, and finally one more small but very important detail,… the way Susie walked. It was loose, relaxed and beautiful. It didn’t matter if it was in the dirt driveway of Chicken Hill or a sidewalk in New York City or Paris. It was relaxed, unselfconscious, elegant and it reflected her character. I finally asked her about it a couple years ago. She laughed and said that she had been told she walked that way as a child.
Life was art for my dear sweet sister.