Please forgive me, an old man, as I slip into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon, with spectacles on my nose, and cellphone pouch on my side. Please forgive me as I march towards the last scene of all that ends my strange eventful history. Please forgive my second childishness and mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. And please, please forgive me for shamelessly stealing from Shakespeare. But here I am, standing before you my dear family and friends, six months shy of my 80th year while pondering an epic philosophical question: When the time comes for the end of my life and I back slowly upstage and then turn to you to bid farewell, should I then exit stage left or exit stage right?
Now as you, my friends, might have some philosophical or artistic interest about my conduct in the last moments of my life, and also because I respect and revere you, I’d like to tell you that after considerable thought I’ve puzzled through the options for this final scene. Because, you know, I want to get the symbolism right, my final humble bow embracing the gravitas of my goodbye. If you disagree with my choice I hope that you’ll not judge me harshly and I hope that you’ll forgive me. I sit before you here and ask, with honesty and humility, for your patience as I proceed. Please offer me a little gift of patience as I begin with a bit of metaphor play.
OK,…… so at first one might think that I’d choose to exit stage left. Why? Because left = death? Well, I can see a bit of linguistic harmony there as well as a sort of cheap rhyme. But consider that I’m right handed and that my right hand has more strength and control than my left. And also consider that the word “right” linguistically harmonizes with truth and justice.
So, hmmm…, OK, here’s the question, the dilemma. On one hand there’s stage left, the left hand, leaving/left = death? On the other hand there’s stage right, the “right” hand linguistically harmonizing with holy truth, justice, as well as the hope that God has chosen to place catering offstage right and thus increasing the possibility of running into my departed beloved crew and cast members.
Now, at this point, as you read this post, you’re thinking, “Uh huh! Ok, JD, sure. Yeah, whatever brother. So much for the gravitas.” You’re also probably thinking that it’d be a good idea to get a message to our mutual friends, “Oh my God! Johndavid is going to need supervision, like SOON! “
Well,…. my friends, my loved ones, please lean back and chill. I’m determined, as my body, my eyes, ears, touch, smell and my heart leave you behind, I am determined, as I drift away from the spectacular stage of my life, that I will turn towards stage right with my heart rightly in loving peace with truth. As Jaques in “As You Like It” might have said, but didn’t, I can promise you that, as I walk offstage and the curtain falls, my heart will be soaked with tears of gratitude and love. I’m already making peace with my exit, with my departure from every one of you, my beloved family and my beloved friends. Now of course we mourn from the departure of our loved ones. The loss is profound. But at the same time I ask you to also celebrate with me and share my gratitude that we have been a part of each other’s lives. So as you mourn please also celebrate all the beauty, laughter, adventures and loving camaraderie we have shared.
But wait, I’m not dead yet! I’m still walking with my heart at peace and with love and joy. I am walking with profound gratitude for you, my beloved friends, my nephews and nieces, my family. With humility I’m asking you to find some peace in your heart and choose to honor my choice that I will, at some point down the road, claim my right to control the date and time of my exit. I understand and accept without judgement that some of you might have strong religious or philosophical beliefs that there are no circumstances in which we may have the right to choose the date, time, and method of our deaths. I respect and honor your beliefs and with loving respect and humility I say to you that I honestly forgive you if you believe I will be committing a terrible sin. We can choose to disagree about this mystery with mutual respect.
So here I sit, writing this love letter to you my friends. Please know that I’m completely at peace with my mortality, so let’s save the drama for later! But, for now, let’s just party and share our love. Let’s walk and dance together with our hearts full of love, gratitude and holy humility.
Whew! Now with those sacred words of love shared with you, my dear extended family, let’s move on to some other important topics for serious heartfelt discussion. Here’s a few possibilities to get us started.
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Should employees get bonuses for being funny?
Is it acceptable to eat someone else’s lunch if it’s clearly better than yours?
Should there be mandatory dance breaks during work hours?
Is it fair to judge coworkers by their coffee mug choices?
Should ketchup be considered a smoothie?
Should passports include personality tests?