I’ve just completed the first year of my 4th quarter of a century. I’m an old man and I claim my right to speak. Please listen to my words.
I’ve been stumbling through life for 76 years searching for the pure center of what and why. My father was born July 9, 1894, my mother, Sept 6, 1913. I have both outlived and lived more years than my father, my mother, and all three of my brothers. I’m the last one standing of these generations. I was hoping I’d be good to go for at least another 14 years but at this writing that seems unlikely. But what would I be able to get away with then? “Yup, 90 years old! Hey, would you help me seize the moment, my gorgeous sister (brother), and buy an old man a Macallan 25 single malt neat?” …… Mmmmm,.. Probably better to wait until I’m 90 to buy me that scotch. And then maybe you all could start a Go Fund Me to buy me another bottle every birthday…… er….. well,.. maybe that’s a moot point. At 90 one shot will put me to sleep and two might kill me. Anyway,… I’m a rare fucking resource! So be nice to me.
But where was I? ……Oh yeah, I’m 76 years old today and I believe this qualifies me as an “Elder.” in addition to my age, here are some other qualifications. I have lived with waves of shame, guilt, self-hate and impotent anger the majority of my life. I have also known the ecstasy of romantic love and the open raw wound of a broken heart. I have been in love and had my heart broken in Pasadena, San Francisco, Paris, and Heidelberg. I spent years living on a roadie bus and I’ve worked on stages all over the world. I added more pages to my passport 30 years ago. I have been cruel. I have been kind. I have been selfish. I have been generous. I have held grudges. I have forgiven. I have many stories of naivete and bad judgement, all of which taught me something. I have a life behind me full of pain with interludes of love and joy. I don’t know why I survived and others did not. But I’m still here. So let it be known that I claim the tribal honorific of “Elder” and I claim my right to speak as an Elder.
So please hear me my brothers and sisters.
Life is full of loss and it only speeds up as we get older. Lovers fall out of love and move on. Trusted friends or colleagues betray us. Precious irreplaceable documents are lost in a fire or thrown out by a roommate. People we love die. As we get older our bits and pieces begin to wear out and we begin to lose our physical beauty. If we’re lucky to live long enough we have to give up driving. People we love continue to age out and die. How do we deal with these losses? Do we react with self pity? Do we react with anger? Or do we take some time to mourn the loss and then move on, turning our attention to the beauty that is always there if we look for it. There lies peace. There lies humor. There lies contentment.
Most importantly I counsel this. Practice forgiveness and kindness, my brothers and sisters, particularly when it is hard! Anger, arrogance, hatred, selfishness in others are rendered impotent in the face of kindness. Someone at work will push us aside and step on us. Someone we trusted will betray us. And every day other drivers will be rude or dangerous in front of, or behind us. Don’t give them the power of sharing their selfishness with us. Don’t drink that poison. I’m not suggesting we lay down and let people roll over us. Be strong. I’m just saying practice forgiveness and we will break the chain. This practice will heal us, clear our vision, and give us clarity. Here lies virtuous power in a competitive world. Practice being a grown up. The practice itself will make us strong.